lynx to the mat

My lynx guardian has brought me to the mat; the yoga mat. My anxiety had gotten so extreme and while I know my intuition is my second sight I still need to be able to focus on LIFE regardless of whether the second sight is showing me good or BAD things. I believe in my lynx sight and know that sometimes I see far too much. Having that much insight is tough in any relationship or friendship because you then know too much. No one can hide things from a lynx. We will know and just not say anything. I don’t want anyone to act unnatural or not authentic. I want authenticity from others, true unconditional appreciation. If you show your hand, they’ll change their behavior. So what we do is we just take the information we sense and use it to protect ourselves. 

Yoga. Let me tell you about this new journey. My entire life I have felt awakened and aware of my inner being. I remember having out-of-body experiences on my own. There were times when I felt like a guardian, floating around behind…my body. I read Eckhart Tolle’s book and realized that while some reading that book are TRYING to start the awakening process, I realize that I have been in it nearly my entire life. He talks about how people in this category may have a hard time adjusting to the “normal person’s” routine. Very true. That’s me, to a “T.” I know why I have such a strong awareness, it’s the lynx. This all makes sense. While this spirit animal has a lot of benefits and I wouldn’t change it, it can be tough to deal with, mentally. For many years, I thought I HATED yoga. I would scoff whenever my Chiropractor suggested it. He constantly would. It is super-awesome for your body but the last time I had tried it, a couple of times, it pissed me off SO bad that I was angry through the entire session. Recently I broke down from anxiety feeling the worst stress I had felt in years. My lynx had told me to pay attention to something in my life. I focused on it and saw what was going on. It wasn’t great, that’s for sure. Nothing horrible had happened yet, but there was something less than favorable going on that caused me a lot of stress. Finally, I said, let’s try to find a youtube channel online that has 20 minute or so yoga sessions and try really hard to focus on them for that 20 minutes. I have always been athletic and active. I’m in good shape. I was not looking for aesthetics, here, just PEACE. I found BohoBeautiful. Juliana and Mark have a beautiful channel, for sure. I started doing their yoga videos. I stay away from “yoga fitness” or typical “exercise” videos because I am not in it for appearance and I don’t want to do reps. I did that type of thing for most of my life and I’m done with it. It’s all worthless to me. Yoga, however, has opened me up like a flower that needed more sun. Yoga is my sun. It has brought the nutrient to my life that I needed to be a better me. I have been doing Yoga now, 5 to 6 days a week for three weeks. I have not stuck with any type of routine like this for the past four years. I started with Juliana’s videos. She’s amazing and I love her voice, method, and style. I will continue doing her videos. Then, I stumbled upon KinoYoga who has taught me a lot more than I thought I would ever learn about Yoga and how it helps me. All those years ago when I was so angry and irritated during the yoga classes I tried, came to my realization. I asked the universe for the answer, and it came: I had SUCH pent up angry and aggression back then. I was going through a lot. I was in a bad relationship with a guy that just did not show me any affection. No hugs. No kisses. Talked me down, on the daily. He either cheated or TRIED to. Same thing. Trying to cheat, is cheating in this book. The yoga, back then, was trying to expel the anger and torment from my body. I had been holding so much inside. I quit yoga and never looked back, until three weeks ago. I am so very thankful the lynx guided me to yoga again. Now, it is shaping my existence and helping me appreciate who-I-am. I don’t want to confuse anyone, here. I was not trying to place blame on that bad relationship for any problems I went through. I should not have stayed in it. That’s the lesson one learns as they move through life. I just knew that my body was trying so hard to release all of that bad energy. Had I kept with it, it is very likely I would have felt strong enough to leave the relationship, and not look back, rather than leaving the Yoga, which is truly helpful and healing. This is how we learn.

If you ever had a terrible experience with Yoga that seemed full of emotions I assure you it was necessary. You need it, keep going. I should have kept going but I thought I just hated the practice. My body needed that detox and I blamed those tough emotions on yoga. At that time in my life it was a time where I blamed many things on anything but what they actually were. Now, as I walk with my lynx I am ready to be a better person, taking ownership and focusing on the inner being.